Confession: I've been rolling a little high for the past few months. Sure, I set out to live large a couple years ago, but lately, I've been pushing my limits. And do I ever feel it, now.
It started with Niall's death at the very end of September. At 31, young, charming and spry, Niall suffered a fatal heart attack. When a friend called to relay the news, I could only scream. Niall was a lot of things to me, but who really cares about that. He was, he was... He was a vibrant soul, and he lived his dreams.
The dude, like any real-life "rock star" also loved to have a grand good time. Niall could drink anyone under and swagger away with style. He always had fun doing it, too. I'd only ever seen Niall happy.
So when I learned of the loss of his life, it was like this little kick to live mine even more. His death was a flashing beacon reminding of life's caprice.
In turn, I decided to accept every invitation I received--whether it was a last-minute media trip to Kenya (heck who wouldn't welcome that), or a late-night egg toss game (again, who could refuse). And I started staying out until the wee hours regularly--not necessarily drinking, but always living it up.
Until now. I skipped out on tonight's party. I am so exhausted, and though I have four fun event-filled days and nights ahead of me, I'm looking forward to when I can sleep. Or wait, back up. Do yoga, take a hot bath, read. Then sleep.
I guess, looking back, even Niall slept full, wholesome nights sometimes. (Sometimes.)
When I think of him, now, it takes my breath away. It literally socks me in the chest. But I'd bet if Niall were reading this, he'd chide me with his Irish lilt. Or actually, more likely, he'd laugh at me. As per usual. Because in order to party and live like a rock star, you've got to have the energy to rock. Which is why, while it's still this night and not a wee hour of tomorrow, I'm going to sign off here and hit the sack. And then I'm sure I'll keep dreaming of the good life.
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I remember feeling the exact same way when my mother died; life's too short and you never know when it will end. You tell yourself that you will do this or do that; that you won't be afraid of things that you were before because you are reminded that at the end of the day you don't have control over any of it when it's your time. But you do while you are still alive and should live it to it's fullest! Sadly, as the years go by, you slip back into living scared. This was a good reminder.
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